Lost and Heartbroken

Lost in this lonely world

I am lost now

I am without what I once knew

Everything has changed

And not for the better

Life is sometimes too much to handle

I cannot grasp what is happening around me

It's like a bad nightmare that I cannot seem to wake up from

My world is spinning out of control

She cheated on me for 2 months with a man

A man that is now her boyfriend

She lied until I finally got it out of her

Now all I am to her is her "best friend"

Yes it is true, she knows me better than anyone else

She knows me better than my own parents know me

Yes, she is my best friend

But I always wanted to be more than that

And we were for the last 4 years

Until she decided to cheat on me with a man

The grass isn't always greener on the other side

And maybe she'll see that

I do believe in Karma

The good kind and the bad kind

She has hurt me so

And broken my heart into a million pieces

And I believe if she is due bad karma for the hurt that she has caused me

Than so be it, I have no control of the Karma that she receives

I do not wish bad upon her

I want her to be happy

Even if it is not with me

However, a part of me wishes that she ends up not happy with him

A part of me wishes that it doesn't work out with him

Not necessarily so she can come back to me

But so she can understand what it feels like to have your heart ripped out of your chest

So she can understand what it feels like to have your heart broken into a million pieces

A part of me wants her to feel the pain that she has caused me

A part of me wants her to feel heartbreak

But I am a good person

And I do not wish ill on anyone

I want everyone to be happy and loved

I am just not a person like her that can hurt others intentionally

My world has become nothing but darkness

And I don't know how to cope

I try to live life one day at a time

But my life without her, without us as a couple

Saddens me and breaks my heart even more

We still live together and living with her

Knowing that she is not mine and that she is with someone else

Kills me all over again

The pain I feel is unbearable

And indescribable

I know life will go on

But I don't want life to go on without her

While she is my best friend and unfortunately that's all

And she is still living with me

I know one day she will move away to be with the man she left me for

And my heart will break all over again

My world will be shattered into a million pieces all over again

And I will lose her completely, forever

I can't cope or grasp this whole situation at all

Is this what dying from a broken heart feels like?

If so I don't want to live anymore

Thunderstorm

Thunderstorm

By: Aiden Kirchner 2018

I could feel a Thunderstorm coming

my knees had started to ache

the thunder, lightning and rain

was on its way, if it hadn't already came

I decided to go outside

The sky was black as night

the birds were no longer in sign

the trees had begun to shake

as the wind picked up

the leaves were being blown about

I could feel the boom of the thunder hit

as I was standing on my deck

and I felt the vibration

The rain started pouring down quickly

huge raindrops pounding against the ground

I could feel them on my shoe

They felt like needles jabbing my foot

Positive Thinking

POSITIVE THINKING

©️AIDEN KIRCHNER

Learn from yesterday, love for today, hope for tomorrow

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;

what is essential is invisible to the eye

You have the power to say, this is not how my story will end

A change may be just around the corner

Change can be good, think positive

DO EPIC SHIT

Kindness is magic, spread that shit everywhere

Collect adventures, not things

Leave with the memories because you can't take your possessions with you when you die

Remember, you are magic

But think positive, don't believe the negative things that you think

Find a reason to smile, there's always a reason to smile

Dream it, wish it, and do it!

No act of kindness is ever wasted, do for others,

even if they can't repay you

Pay it forward, its about caring and sharing, compassion and kindness

It's about generosity, it's about sacrifice, and love

You get what you give, so give good, love hard

Get Fired Up

GET FIRED UP

©️AIDEN KIRCHNER

Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be

The creative adult is the child who survived

We declare the world as our canvas, the earth without art is just 'eh

Revolution

Don't be scared to be a bitch, maybe it is only your definition

and not the truth of who you are!

Be yourself, stand up for yourself!

Don't just be another brick in the wall

DO EPIC SHIT!

Are you the fire or just another flame?

I'm the fire that burns, you can't put me out

Are you who you want to be?

You're never too old or too young to DREAM BIG

Don't die wondering

Your comfort zone will kill you

The quickest way to acquire self confidence is to do

exactly what you are afraid to do

Follow your dreams

GET FIRED UP! 

Fight For What's Right

Fight For What's Right

©️AIDEN KIRCHNER

Migration is not a crime

We all bleed the same

I see humans but no humanity

Change the rules, shake things up a bit

Create chaos and disorder

Stand up and fight

Work-Buy-Consume-Die

It doesn't have to be a never-ending cycle

Be the change you want to see

We can't feed the poor but we can fund a war

and send our soldiers oversees to die because of your greed

STOP THE BULLSHIT!

You = resistance

Free your mind, kill your TV

Why pay to live on a planet we were born on?

Hungry? Eat the rich, they are the worst

I've seen more that would scare them to death than they have

in their entire pampered life

Fight for what's right or don't get in the way of those who are

Welcome To Reality

Welcome to Reality

©️AIDEN KIRCHNER

I feel bad for the people who never go crazy

Being normal is no fun

My memory is fading and I only feel present half the time

How we survive is what makes us who we are

We are all fighting a battle others may not see

Why are we still waiting for our lives to start?

Art and Writing should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable

You don't like my writings??

You should try living a day in my head

I guarantee you will be glad its me and not you

She was fragile, like a bomb, not a flower

Music, Art, Writing, it connects people

Depression is like drowning except you can see everyone else

around you breathing

Life is a beautiful struggle

She was like the moon...

Part of her was always hidden

Never have I dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul

A nightmare that won't go away

Welcome to reality

Mental Illness

Mental Illness

©️Aiden Kirchner

How do you run from what's inside your head?

Tormented by her own mind

It was her chaos that made her beautiful

And it all starts with a few innocent scratches

The war is in my mind, and the wounds are on my body

Never underestimate how much pain somebody has to be

to put a razor to their wrist,

a finger to their throat,

a gun to their head,

or a pen to 'that' note.

Tormented by my own mind

I'm being murdered by my own mind, mental illness

people aren't born broken

they start with a passion and yearning

until something comes along

that disabuses them of those notions

Just because someone is trying

doesn't mean they're okay

Depression, mental illness is like

having an abusive relationship with yourself

Revolution

Revolution

©️Aiden Kirchner

When freedom is outlawed, only outlaws will be free

Better to fight for something than to live for nothing

Revolution is coming

The real revolution is the evolution of consciousness

Resistance...

because if we fight, we might lose

but if we don't fight, we've already lost

Nation of sheep

Ruled by wolves

Owned by pigs

When tyranny becomes law

Rebellion becomes duty

The system isn't broken, they built it this way

Well behaved women rarely make history

A woman's place is in the revolution

We are more powerful when we empower each other

When she talks, I hear the revolution

Thoughts On The World

Thoughts on the World

©️Aiden Kirchner

Following your dreams has been canceled

We buy shit we don't need, with money we don't have

to impress people we don't like

We all bleed the same color, let's love another

instead of hating one another

If you think this shit is bad, you should see what the government is up to

Who will protect the public when the police violate the law?

Don't be a slave to the system

No one is free when other's are oppressed

If you want to achieve greatness, stop asking for permission

PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN and connect with the world

My parents didn't take me serious as an artist

I got accepted to art school before entering high school

but my parents wouldn't let me go, they crushed my dreams

The earth isn't dying, its being killed

And those who are killing it have names and addresses

Revolution and Anarchy

Revolution and Anarchy

©️Aiden Kirchner

The government says you are free as long as we can control

your resources, your education, your currency, your internet, your military,

your justice and your land

Why elect someone to control your life

We need more people speaking out

This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers

It's overrun with sheep and conformists

What you think, you become

Stay determined, start a revolution

I''m not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance

But first, some REBELLION

We are human, no nationality, we all bleed the same color

If you're not angry, you're not paying attention

YOU are the revolution

Better to fight for something, than live for nothing

The secret to happiness is freedom

the secret to freedom is courage

Depression

Depression

©️Aiden Kirchner

Never underestimate the pain of a person

Because in all honesty, everyone is struggling

Just some people are better at hiding it than others

"Are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm just,"

Torn, Insecure, Ruined, Emotional, Depressed

Depression is a dark lonely place

I worry my depression and anxiety are always going to keep me from

being the person I dreamed of becoming

Depression is when you don't really care about anything

Anxiety is when you care too much about everything

and having both is HELL

I don't think anyone really understand how tiring it is to act okay

and always be strong when in reality you're close to the edge

Depression is living in a body that fights to survive with a mind that tries to die

Mental Illness Suck

Mental Illness Sucks

©️Aiden Kirchner

I don't think people understand how stressful it is to explain

what's going on in your head when you don't even understand it yourself

However, I keep a lot of shit to myself because in reality

nobody really gives a FUCK

No one really cares until something dramatic happens

Sleep isn't sleep anymore, it's an escape

The problem with depression is you know you'll be okay

but you still feel awful

you know people love you,

but sometimes it doesn't feel like they do

You know doing something will make you feel better,

but you just don't know how to

You want to be well, but you just can't see to get there

It sucks because, I was getting better

and now I'm not not

Mental Illness sucks

Schizophrenia and Depression

SCHIZOPHRENIA AND DEPRESSION

©️AIDEN KIRCHNER

When does depression end?

When it ends you

What if I feel this way for the rest of my life?

I'm exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel

How do you run away from things that are in your head?
Don't get too close, it's dark inside

It's where my demons hide

Tired of feeling like I'm trapped in my damn mind

Tired of feeling like my life is a damn game

Tell me how your story goes

Have you ever suffered?

If so, did you get better or have you you never quite recovered from it?

Tormented by my own mind

Bullet In My Head

BULLET IN MY HEAD

©️AIDEN KIRCHNER

Voices in my head

Like a bullet that pierces my brain

Agony in my mind

each voice feels like a splinter in my skull

Like shards of bone fragments that turn into a nagging pain

The nagging pain is like a bullet in my head

The voices swirling around in my head

Schizophrenia

It feels like there is a bullet in my head

I can't get them out

Schizophrenia is like a bullet in my head

I Chose The Dark Side

I chose the dark side and
The dark side won
But it isn’t so bad down here
At least it’s warm in hell

Broken Down

Broken Down



Broke Down Yet Again.

With No One To Fix Me.

I'm In Need Of Repair


Can Somebody Help Me


Sort Through The Wreckage

Find What Use To Be Me

I Never Needed Your Help

As Much As I Do Now


Dear God

I Wish You Could Only See


The Wreckage I Have Created

Broken Wings and Shattered Hearts

Broken Wings and Shattered Hearts



I Want To Get Away.

And Be With The Angels In The Sky.

But My Wings Are Broken

They Are Not Made To Fly.

I Can Not Get To Heaven,

On Two Broken Wings.

And I Can't Wait Around

For What Tomorrow Brings

Consider Me An Angel.

Stuck In My Own Hell,

The Tattered Wings Are Memories.

Of Every Time I Fell

Heaven Is Just A Dream Away,

Something I Hope Is Real,

Trying To Keep Pushing On

Hoping These Wounds Will Heal

I Wish I Was Born With Perfect Wings

But Nothing Goes How I Want In Life.

Always Feels Like I Am Going Nowhere

Except Heading Into Strife

Please Don't Expect Much From Me,

My Halo's Tarnished And My Wings Are Torn.

A Rose May Seem So Beautiful.

But When It Dies. It's Only Thorns

Cupid's Bullets

cupids bullets





heartache causes pains unspoken

you wished that you weren't so open

the wound is still smokin'

from where Cupid's gun poked in

wished three words you hadn't spoken

tears dropped from your eyes like the

ocean's tide.

all bullshit aside seemed like it'd be forever

until the tears dried

or you put aside your pride

gave love's train another ride

in the back of your mind hoping you'll

glide

instead of sliding into a ditch.

yeah love's a bitch, but you still love her,

you still think of her

and the scars that she leaves behind

make it hard for you to shove her

into the corners of your mind.

Dealt With Hammers

Dealt With Hammers




Springing loose the seventh seal

Passing by on the starboard

Side, as over waves, beneath moons

We would ride, springing loose seals,

Making deals while getting on,

Bored, while getting on each all

The others' nerves, just deserves



Reservations of the real

Deal so newly delivered

No seal had yet been set, spoons

Ready and waiting to lap

It up, gruel, cruel porridge, bon

Vivancy vacancy pall

Setting seals like lead pours swerves



Along racing curves near keel

As flying fish fish once fished

So we once sailed, singing tunes

As attuned became our planks

Beneath the barnacles grown

Heavy on wood covered small

Errors, liftings, new mistakes



Not seen, shown up not until

Landfall having been made, laid

Down the wandering star guides

For any port, any storm,

Any day soon now become

Any peace, any normal

Way, locally we deserves



To hammer away at our ship's curves

Until re-satisfied we become free

To set out once more to sea to be free

Of the waves which hammer what we deserves



Which is not to be found at any port,

Nor to be found, nor ever to be bought,

But only ever to be sought, uncaught

Among they who but hammer out their blows



As if to lift one upward into snows

Ever risen above all downlanders'

Dealing out just the facts as with hammers

We had rather not be dealing with as



And so we chose to live such life beyond

Their scepters and their rods, as if gods

Of Himalayan ranges unsought by sods'

Turners who could but fear us, never near



Us for fear of blunderbuss, sweeping blades,

Rapine visited on their maiden's heads,

Sweet, colorful traces as left for dead's

The life not on sea bearing salt for me's.

DEATH

DEATH


Around, all around the dark memories gather

My dread grows as the dagger of your words fall against my naked soul

It mutilates me, and darkly my essence drips to the wicked earth that is my prison

In my madness I cry out, Why!

while Death's shadow surrounds me

Now alone, my soul falls upon cold eyes

This is my Hell

Diversity

Diversity



Diversity is Each of Us and All of Us!



Each of us is different;

all of us are similar.



Diversity is what makes each of us different;

diversity is also what makes all of us similar.



Diversity is what you can see in each of us;

diversity is also what you might not see in each of us.



All of us, working together, are more than

just the sum of each of us.



Each of us has unique experiences.

All of us have collective experiences.



Each of us has unique ways of reacting to some experiences.

All of us have similar ways of reacting to most experiences.



Each of us uses unique talents, to accomplish similar goals.

All of us work together as a team to accomplish one mission!



What each of us does, in differing ways, affects all of us.

What all of us do affects each of us, in differing ways.



Each of us is good at something; none of us is better at everything.

All of us, working together, can be the best at everything!

DWELL

DWELL

Here I go.Again...beating myself up for

all of the things i can never be instead

of embracing all that i am.

After all, isn't everybody "somebody"? isn't everyone "someone"?

And all we really want is to have someone look at all of our imperfections

and say "that's okay, i'll love you anyway." oh how i pray for "maitri", "loving of oneself" so that I can be the last woman standing when there's nothing else left.

Here i go. again...wishing that i could turn back the hands of time and do the

right thing instead of the wrong thing,

the strong thing instead of the weak thing.

ELECTRIC

ELECTRIC

damn...after all of this time i still think

she's so damn hot,

damn...after all of this time i still wanna

give her all that I've got.

damn...after all of this time i still think

she's my number one,

damn...after all of this time i still think

she outshines the sun.

damn...after all of this time i still think

of her as the best,

damn...after all of this time i still think

i'm truly blessed.

damn...after all of this time i still think

there are no words to describe,

that damn...after all of this time i still think a bond like ours is impossible to

find.

I Wanted People To Be Afraid of Hurting Me

I never had a change to be soft.
I was always bloody knuckles and shards of glass.

I wanted people to be afraid of hurting me.