Tuesday, September 24, 2019

Lost and Heartbroken

Lost in this lonely world
I am lost now
I am without what I once knew
Everything has changed
And not for the better
Life is sometimes too much to handle
I cannot grasp what is happening around me
It's like a bad nightmare that I cannot seem to wake up from
My world is spinning out of control
She cheated on me for 2 months with a man
A man that is now her boyfriend
She lied until I finally got it out of her
Now all I am to her is her "best friend"
Yes it is true, she knows me better than anyone else
She knows me better than my own parents know me
Yes, she is my best friend
But I always wanted to be more than that
And we were for the last 4 years
Until she decided to cheat on me with a man
The grass isn't always greener on the other side
And maybe she'll see that
I do believe in Karma
The good kind and the bad kind
She has hurt me so
And broken my heart into a million pieces
And I believe if she is due bad karma for the hurt that she has caused me
Than so be it, I have no control of the Karma that she receives
I do not wish bad upon her
I want her to be happy
Even if it is not with me
However, a part of me wishes that she ends up not happy with him
A part of me wishes that it doesn't work out with him
Not necessarily so she can come back to me
But so she can understand what it feels like to have your heart ripped out of your chest
So she can understand what it feels like to have your heart broken into a million pieces
A part of me wants her to feel the pain that she has caused me
A part of me wants her to feel heartbreak
But I am a good person
And I do not wish ill on anyone
I want everyone to be happy and loved
I am just not a person like her that can hurt others intentionally
My world has become nothing but darkness
And I don't know how to cope
I try to live life one day at a time
But my life without her, without us as a couple
Saddens me and breaks my heart even more
We still live together and living with her
Knowing that she is not mine and that she is with someone else
Kills me all over again
The pain I feel is unbearable
And indescribable
I know life will go on
But I don't want life to go on without her
While she is my best friend and unfortunately that's all
And she is still living with me
I know one day she will move away to be with the man she left me for
And my heart will break all over again
My world will be shattered into a million pieces all over again
And I will lose her completely, forever
I can't cope or grasp this whole situation at all
Is this what dying from a broken heart feels like?
If so I don't want to live anymore

Thunderstorm

Thunderstorm

By: Aiden Kirchner 2018

I could feel a Thunderstorm coming
my knees had started to ache
the thunder, lightning and rain
was on its way, if it hadn't already came
I decided to go outside
The sky was black as night
the birds were no longer in sign
the trees had begun to shake
as the wind picked up
the leaves were being blown about
I could feel the boom of the thunder hit
as I was standing on my deck
and I felt the vibration
The rain started pouring down quickly
huge raindrops pounding against the ground
I could feel them on my shoe
They felt like needles jabbing my foot

Positive Thinking

POSITIVE THINKING

©️AIDEN KIRCHNER

Learn from yesterday, love for today, hope for tomorrow
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;
what is essential is invisible to the eye
You have the power to say, this is not how my story will end
A change may be just around the corner
Change can be good, think positive
DO EPIC SHIT
Kindness is magic, spread that shit everywhere
Collect adventures, not things
Leave with the memories because you can't take your possessions with you when you die
Remember, you are magic
But think positive, don't believe the negative things that you think
Find a reason to smile, there's always a reason to smile
Dream it, wish it, and do it!
No act of kindness is ever wasted, do for others,
even if they can't repay you
Pay it forward, its about caring and sharing, compassion and kindness
It's about generosity, it's about sacrifice, and love
You get what you give, so give good, love hard

Get Fired Up

GET FIRED UP

©️AIDEN KIRCHNER

Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be
The creative adult is the child who survived
We declare the world as our canvas, the earth without art is just 'eh
Revolution
Don't be scared to be a bitch, maybe it is only your definition
and not the truth of who you are!
Be yourself, stand up for yourself!
Don't just be another brick in the wall
DO EPIC SHIT!
Are you the fire or just another flame?
I'm the fire that burns, you can't put me out
Are you who you want to be?
You're never too old or too young to DREAM BIG
Don't die wondering
Your comfort zone will kill you
The quickest way to acquire self confidence is to do
exactly what you are afraid to do
Follow your dreams
GET FIRED UP! 

Fight For What's Right

Fight For What's Right

©️AIDEN KIRCHNER

Migration is not a crime
We all bleed the same
I see humans but no humanity
Change the rules, shake things up a bit
Create chaos and disorder
Stand up and fight
Work-Buy-Consume-Die
It doesn't have to be a never-ending cycle
Be the change you want to see
We can't feed the poor but we can fund a war
and send our soldiers oversees to die because of your greed
STOP THE BULLSHIT!
You = resistance
Free your mind, kill your TV
Why pay to live on a planet we were born on?
Hungry? Eat the rich, they are the worst
I've seen more that would scare them to death than they have
in their entire pampered life
Fight for what's right or don't get in the way of those who are

Welcome To Reality

Welcome to Reality

©️AIDEN KIRCHNER

I feel bad for the people who never go crazy
Being normal is no fun
My memory is fading and I only feel present half the time
How we survive is what makes us who we are
We are all fighting a battle others may not see
Why are we still waiting for our lives to start?
Art and Writing should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable
You don't like my writings??
You should try living a day in my head
I guarantee you will be glad its me and not you
She was fragile, like a bomb, not a flower
Music, Art, Writing, it connects people
Depression is like drowning except you can see everyone else
around you breathing
Life is a beautiful struggle
She was like the moon...
Part of her was always hidden
Never have I dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul
A nightmare that won't go away
Welcome to reality

Mental Illness

Mental Illness

©️Aiden Kirchner

How do you run from what's inside your head?
Tormented by her own mind
It was her chaos that made her beautiful
And it all starts with a few innocent scratches
The war is in my mind, and the wounds are on my body
Never underestimate how much pain somebody has to be
to put a razor to their wrist,
a finger to their throat,
a gun to their head,
or a pen to 'that' note.
Tormented by my own mind
I'm being murdered by my own mind, mental illness
people aren't born broken
they start with a passion and yearning
until something comes along
that disabuses them of those notions
Just because someone is trying
doesn't mean they're okay
Depression, mental illness is like
having an abusive relationship with yourself

Revolution

Revolution

©️Aiden Kirchner

When freedom is outlawed, only outlaws will be free
Better to fight for something than to live for nothing
Revolution is coming
The real revolution is the evolution of consciousness
Resistance...
because if we fight, we might lose
but if we don't fight, we've already lost
Nation of sheep
Ruled by wolves
Owned by pigs
When tyranny becomes law
Rebellion becomes duty
The system isn't broken, they built it this way
Well behaved women rarely make history
A woman's place is in the revolution
We are more powerful when we empower each other
When she talks, I hear the revolution

Thoughts On The World

Thoughts on the World

©️Aiden Kirchner

Following your dreams has been canceled
We buy shit we don't need, with money we don't have
to impress people we don't like
We all bleed the same color, let's love another
instead of hating one another
If you think this shit is bad, you should see what the government is up to
Who will protect the public when the police violate the law?
Don't be a slave to the system
No one is free when other's are oppressed
If you want to achieve greatness, stop asking for permission
PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN and connect with the world
My parents didn't take me serious as an artist
I got accepted to art school before entering high school
but my parents wouldn't let me go, they crushed my dreams
The earth isn't dying, its being killed
And those who are killing it have names and addresses

Revolution and Anarchy

Revolution and Anarchy

©️Aiden Kirchner

The government says you are free as long as we can control
your resources, your education, your currency, your internet, your military,
your justice and your land
Why elect someone to control your life
We need more people speaking out
This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers
It's overrun with sheep and conformists
What you think, you become
Stay determined, start a revolution
I''m not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance
But first, some REBELLION
We are human, no nationality, we all bleed the same color
If you're not angry, you're not paying attention
YOU are the revolution
Better to fight for something, than live for nothing
The secret to happiness is freedom
the secret to freedom is courage

Depression

Depression

©️Aiden Kirchner

Never underestimate the pain of a person
Because in all honesty, everyone is struggling
Just some people are better at hiding it than others
"Are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm just,"
Torn, Insecure, Ruined, Emotional, Depressed
Depression is a dark lonely place
I worry my depression and anxiety are always going to keep me from
being the person I dreamed of becoming
Depression is when you don't really care about anything
Anxiety is when you care too much about everything
and having both is HELL
I don't think anyone really understand how tiring it is to act okay
and always be strong when in reality you're close to the edge
Depression is living in a body that fights to survive with a mind that tries to die

Mental Illness Suck

Mental Illness Sucks

©️Aiden Kirchner

I don't think people understand how stressful it is to explain
what's going on in your head when you don't even understand it yourself
However, I keep a lot of shit to myself because in reality
nobody really gives a FUCK
No one really cares until something dramatic happens
Sleep isn't sleep anymore, it's an escape
The problem with depression is you know you'll be okay
but you still feel awful
you know people love you,
but sometimes it doesn't feel like they do
You know doing something will make you feel better,
but you just don't know how to
You want to be well, but you just can't see to get there
It sucks because, I was getting better
and now I'm not not
Mental Illness sucks

Schizophrenia and Depression

SCHIZOPHRENIA AND DEPRESSION

©️AIDEN KIRCHNER

When does depression end?
When it ends you
What if I feel this way for the rest of my life?
I'm exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel
How do you run away from things that are in your head?
Don't get too close, it's dark inside
It's where my demons hide
Tired of feeling like I'm trapped in my damn mind
Tired of feeling like my life is a damn game
Tell me how your story goes
Have you ever suffered?
If so, did you get better or have you you never quite recovered from it?
Tormented by my own mind

Bullet In My Head

BULLET IN MY HEAD

©️AIDEN KIRCHNER

Voices in my head
Like a bullet that pierces my brain
Agony in my mind
each voice feels like a splinter in my skull
Like shards of bone fragments that turn into a nagging pain
The nagging pain is like a bullet in my head
The voices swirling around in my head
Schizophrenia
It feels like there is a bullet in my head
I can't get them out
Schizophrenia is like a bullet in my head