Painful Thoughts
The razorblade
take away the pain
it cuts so slowly
so softly
let my pain bleed away
You all assume so much about me
will I be safe in my room
I do not let you in
I do not speak to you anymore
when I was 5 you couldnt get me to stop talking
now im 24 and you cant get me to start talking
im a tattered angel
withered and died
not ever to be reborn from this hell that I live in
lost, and slowly assuming the fetal position
want to cry
want to slowly die
get high cos that is all there is to do
get high cos it makes you feel so good
get high cos you will have a chance to die
there once was a time when everything was beautiful
and nothing hurt
but I don’t remember that time
everything has always been so painful
I’ve always hurt deep down inside my soul, in my mind
in my heart
my happiness is short lived
it always has been
*> kiss my pain away
make it all go away
so I don’t hurt anymore
pain is all I’ve ever felt
im lost
deep down inside my mind
something that I cannot find
cut, cut deeper, till you hit the veins
and let your life bleed away
and you will no longer be in pain
unloved, unhappy, lost and confused
I cut cos I like seeing the dripplets of blood run down my arm
its rock bottom
I’ve hit the last notch
im laying against the bathtub
on the floor in a pool of my blood
dazed and confused
laying there in my own blood
laying there looking at what I did to myself
be careful, I am dangerous
not to you, to myself
id never survive without you holding my hand....id die
nobody can hear me scream
No one can see me
what the hell is your problem
do you not hear me
no you don’t
you don’t hear me
you don’t see me
you don’t listen to my cry’s for help
your lies leave scars upon my arms
fuck you
erase you
hate you
dream you
need you
lose you
scar you
smash you
KILL ME I lied to you
I kissed you
I touched you
I love you
I fucked you
I left you
I hurt you
I live for you
I comfort you
I love you
love is the slowest form of suicide
without it you are gone
stop the pain
stop the pain
stop the pain
stop the pain
fuck off
fuck off and die
its another fucking day
in hell
the one you love to hate
is in the mirror
so look in and take a look at yourself
you look at my arms
as they are a bloody mess
and I say to you
I am okay
im okay I swear
I will be ok
the pain is temporary
covered in my own blood
I feel so beautiful
kiss me
because your lips are so soft
and so luscious
inside, deep down inside
I am so weak and powerless
I try to build myself up
saying that I am a good person
and try not to be so negative but it just don’t go away
the thoughts don’t subside
they stay with me everyday
kill me faster with strawberry gashes all over
let the razorblade slash my arms
up and down
all over and all around
fuck you
fuck you
my lips are sewn
kiss me
and taste the blood
im hurting inside
the person I am
has died
and I think about her
and im sitting here
and im holding onto
a dream that wont come true
I know im a loser
but you know you love me
Torn
withered away
laying here bloody
spots of blood on the papers
as I sit here and write about suicide
and how I wish I could die
if I pull the trigger
this nightmare I have in my head will go away
I never want us to fade out
resting on a love that fell apart
where are you
I need you
you still have my heart
I hurt myself
so you cant
but I wont forget the way you love me
every scar tells a story
about who you are
im pissed now but its all good, i hate life
it sucks
but oh well
gotta live it one day at a time
im completely incomplete
the puzzles are left to be put together
but you wont understand how I am feeling inside
blood can be so pretty
so shiny
so red
so dark
the smell of blood is luscious
what have I become
I have become what I hate
I hate myself
I hate who I am
I hate me
I hate me, myself and I
I have let myself bleed
sad eyes
lay upon such a beautiful face
that suicide was the only option
what have I become
want me to prove that im a lesbian
hell no
fuck you asshole
why do I gotta be something that you want me to be
why cant I be who I want to be
I don’t want to live to be who you want me to be
that is not who I am
I live for myself
even though I hate who I have become
love is an excuse to get hurt
and if love is an excuse to hurt
then hurt me
please hurt me
so slice open my veins
and let the romance that I have for you bleed away
im everything that I hate
I hate myself
time goes on forever
but time wont make things better
it wont make things go away
I took your picture
and tore it up
I cant look at it without crying
remember kids
slice your arm "down the road"not "across the street"
I laughed the loudest
who’d of known
when I was on the floor
with the gun laying next to my hand
that my laughter is a cry for help
take pills
ESCAPE
ESCAPE into a vague world of unknowingness
I don’t know who I am
I am lost
lost in a world that I will never find myself
it has already damaged me now
and I am lost
there is no more hope for me
stop wishing that I would get better
cos I wont
the more I hurt
the more I scream
you cannot hear me
you cannot see me
not the real me
not who I am
not what I am about
what I am thinking
or what I am going through
please don’t ever go away
please don’t leave me here
I hurt without you
baby I miss you so bad
why did there have to be lies
why did trust have to be broken
im sorry
im so sorry
im a geek
a loser
a freak
im emo
a nerd
a slut
a skater
a dyke
a rocker
a bitch
all these labels
your words
leave scars on my arms
nobody said it was easy
cut me
slice me
Blood red strawberry scars on my arms
im not afraid
put the gun into my hand
don’t think about it
just pull the trigger
shards of glass
skies of gold
steal my breath
blood runs cold
violet waves
oceans blue
all my love
lost in you
what did I do
to deserve this pain
I am the god of fuck
fuck me
I don’t care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
a perfect soul
depression, suicide, bipolar disorder
I suffer from these all
just forget me
its that simple
your hell is when
you’re dreaming and im awake
be a nightmare in my sleep
scare me forever
like a bullet in my soul
kill me forever
I’ll never be perfect...Happy....Beautiful....Good enough...Yours....Lets cut our wrist
like cheap coupons
and say that death was
on sale today
im not like them
I cant pretend
Lost
Confused
Delusional
Ignored
Unwanted
not beautiful
lost soul
my emotions make me who I am
I can be safe here in this white brick room
Unharmed
lost still
confused still
it’s a good year
for a murder
let me take the wheel
I’ll crash this car
do you have to make this so hard
nothing tastes as good as thin feels
anorexia isnt a lifestyle
it’s a sickness that I am
not yet ready to recover from
the dreams in which
im dying
are the best I ever had
writing is my art
writing is my way to vent
put the weight on my shoulders
and the pain in my heart
tie the knots in my stomach
and you’ll let it tear me apart
so tear me apart
so I could be everything you need
I hate me
I hate me
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate who I am
I hate who I have become
I hate who I will be
I hate who I will become
the pain is my release
I wanted to be just like you
so perfect
so wanted
so untouchable
take away the pain
it cuts so slowly
so softly
let my pain bleed away
You all assume so much about me
will I be safe in my room
I do not let you in
I do not speak to you anymore
when I was 5 you couldnt get me to stop talking
now im 24 and you cant get me to start talking
im a tattered angel
withered and died
not ever to be reborn from this hell that I live in
lost, and slowly assuming the fetal position
want to cry
want to slowly die
get high cos that is all there is to do
get high cos it makes you feel so good
get high cos you will have a chance to die
there once was a time when everything was beautiful
and nothing hurt
but I don’t remember that time
everything has always been so painful
I’ve always hurt deep down inside my soul, in my mind
in my heart
my happiness is short lived
it always has been
*> kiss my pain away
make it all go away
so I don’t hurt anymore
pain is all I’ve ever felt
im lost
deep down inside my mind
something that I cannot find
cut, cut deeper, till you hit the veins
and let your life bleed away
and you will no longer be in pain
unloved, unhappy, lost and confused
I cut cos I like seeing the dripplets of blood run down my arm
its rock bottom
I’ve hit the last notch
im laying against the bathtub
on the floor in a pool of my blood
dazed and confused
laying there in my own blood
laying there looking at what I did to myself
be careful, I am dangerous
not to you, to myself
id never survive without you holding my hand....id die
nobody can hear me scream
No one can see me
what the hell is your problem
do you not hear me
no you don’t
you don’t hear me
you don’t see me
you don’t listen to my cry’s for help
your lies leave scars upon my arms
fuck you
erase you
hate you
dream you
need you
lose you
scar you
smash you
KILL ME I lied to you
I kissed you
I touched you
I love you
I fucked you
I left you
I hurt you
I live for you
I comfort you
I love you
love is the slowest form of suicide
without it you are gone
stop the pain
stop the pain
stop the pain
stop the pain
fuck off
fuck off and die
its another fucking day
in hell
the one you love to hate
is in the mirror
so look in and take a look at yourself
you look at my arms
as they are a bloody mess
and I say to you
I am okay
im okay I swear
I will be ok
the pain is temporary
covered in my own blood
I feel so beautiful
kiss me
because your lips are so soft
and so luscious
inside, deep down inside
I am so weak and powerless
I try to build myself up
saying that I am a good person
and try not to be so negative but it just don’t go away
the thoughts don’t subside
they stay with me everyday
kill me faster with strawberry gashes all over
let the razorblade slash my arms
up and down
all over and all around
fuck you
fuck you
my lips are sewn
kiss me
and taste the blood
im hurting inside
the person I am
has died
and I think about her
and im sitting here
and im holding onto
a dream that wont come true
I know im a loser
but you know you love me
Torn
withered away
laying here bloody
spots of blood on the papers
as I sit here and write about suicide
and how I wish I could die
if I pull the trigger
this nightmare I have in my head will go away
I never want us to fade out
resting on a love that fell apart
where are you
I need you
you still have my heart
I hurt myself
so you cant
but I wont forget the way you love me
every scar tells a story
about who you are
im pissed now but its all good, i hate life
it sucks
but oh well
gotta live it one day at a time
im completely incomplete
the puzzles are left to be put together
but you wont understand how I am feeling inside
blood can be so pretty
so shiny
so red
so dark
the smell of blood is luscious
what have I become
I have become what I hate
I hate myself
I hate who I am
I hate me
I hate me, myself and I
I have let myself bleed
sad eyes
lay upon such a beautiful face
that suicide was the only option
what have I become
want me to prove that im a lesbian
hell no
fuck you asshole
why do I gotta be something that you want me to be
why cant I be who I want to be
I don’t want to live to be who you want me to be
that is not who I am
I live for myself
even though I hate who I have become
love is an excuse to get hurt
and if love is an excuse to hurt
then hurt me
please hurt me
so slice open my veins
and let the romance that I have for you bleed away
im everything that I hate
I hate myself
time goes on forever
but time wont make things better
it wont make things go away
I took your picture
and tore it up
I cant look at it without crying
remember kids
slice your arm "down the road"not "across the street"
I laughed the loudest
who’d of known
when I was on the floor
with the gun laying next to my hand
that my laughter is a cry for help
take pills
ESCAPE
ESCAPE into a vague world of unknowingness
I don’t know who I am
I am lost
lost in a world that I will never find myself
it has already damaged me now
and I am lost
there is no more hope for me
stop wishing that I would get better
cos I wont
the more I hurt
the more I scream
you cannot hear me
you cannot see me
not the real me
not who I am
not what I am about
what I am thinking
or what I am going through
please don’t ever go away
please don’t leave me here
I hurt without you
baby I miss you so bad
why did there have to be lies
why did trust have to be broken
im sorry
im so sorry
im a geek
a loser
a freak
im emo
a nerd
a slut
a skater
a dyke
a rocker
a bitch
all these labels
your words
leave scars on my arms
nobody said it was easy
cut me
slice me
Blood red strawberry scars on my arms
im not afraid
put the gun into my hand
don’t think about it
just pull the trigger
shards of glass
skies of gold
steal my breath
blood runs cold
violet waves
oceans blue
all my love
lost in you
what did I do
to deserve this pain
I am the god of fuck
fuck me
I don’t care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
a perfect soul
depression, suicide, bipolar disorder
I suffer from these all
just forget me
its that simple
your hell is when
you’re dreaming and im awake
be a nightmare in my sleep
scare me forever
like a bullet in my soul
kill me forever
I’ll never be perfect...Happy....Beautiful....Good enough...Yours....Lets cut our wrist
like cheap coupons
and say that death was
on sale today
im not like them
I cant pretend
Lost
Confused
Delusional
Ignored
Unwanted
not beautiful
lost soul
my emotions make me who I am
I can be safe here in this white brick room
Unharmed
lost still
confused still
it’s a good year
for a murder
let me take the wheel
I’ll crash this car
do you have to make this so hard
nothing tastes as good as thin feels
anorexia isnt a lifestyle
it’s a sickness that I am
not yet ready to recover from
the dreams in which
im dying
are the best I ever had
writing is my art
writing is my way to vent
put the weight on my shoulders
and the pain in my heart
tie the knots in my stomach
and you’ll let it tear me apart
so tear me apart
so I could be everything you need
I hate me
I hate me
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate who I am
I hate who I have become
I hate who I will be
I hate who I will become
the pain is my release
I wanted to be just like you
so perfect
so wanted
so untouchable
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