My white dress lies.
I have stained it red through the seams of my skin
it sheets over my shiver of scars.
Red to the surface,
Berries of tangible feeling from emotionless fruit.
Crystalline forming -
The same every time and amazes me still.
Yes I am cold in this ice dress
But do not ask you to warm me
The razor edge cold cuts me clean
Facilitates my every need
Scared and scarred I bleed
To escape the constraints of my skin
I bleed to stay alive, not to die
To bring a smile to my lips.
The silver sliver of moon is a blade to me
A scythe to cut me down to size.
Pavement shards of glass cry out at me
to bleed, bleed, and bleed.
For you to see, proof of the shame
But who do you blame?
A freak. A freak.
Refusing to see what is me
your words cut me -
The soft baby white skin of my arm
Asks so politely for relief.
I gave you my secret and you ran,
Ran to the peak of your intellect
To hide from the truth of my blood.
I could send you a letter
that seeps from my finger
Tied up with my ribbon scars.
Or shall I go deeper for you?
Just to prove that I'm real.
I want to sink. Sink to the depths -
The chasm of sleep.
Not die, no -
That would be too clean and swift
too easy for you to understand.
I will drag in the mud of the flow
I'll only be dirty when you pull me out
for now the dirt cleanses
and the mess of the blood
Soaked into the virgin sheets
Scrub out the shame and the stain.
I thought I was blind
When I woke up today
And then I remembered
You taught me to see
You taught me who to be
Then slammed the door shut
And me without so much as a thank you.
I forgot I was no one
I forgot that to rise in your eyes
I had to be God.
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